Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize