So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
