I just made out with a guy for $7.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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