dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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