My Higher Power is John Stamos
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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