you guys were way drunker than both of me
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Randomize
