4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Randomize
