My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
