Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize