Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
