I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
did i just pee glitter
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
