now i know why i became what i already was.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
