one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
