forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize