omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
God, I missed his penis.
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