Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
