how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
