Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
