apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
