i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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