Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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