Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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