I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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