We named our party play list daddy issues
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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