Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
