my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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