Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I got inside last night via doggy door
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
