Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
