i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
