She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
