I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
