I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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