im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
