just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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