You were right. It hurts to walk today.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
