I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
