I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
