she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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