Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
