It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
