I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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