She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
