He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
