how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize