Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
