So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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