i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
