I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
oh god the rape fog is back!
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
