my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
