oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
