Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
