ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize