We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize