i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
