He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
