As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
